The Definition of the Man: His iPod

The watch is the most defining accessory a man can wear. Nothing speaks about what type of person he is more than his watch. Not his tie, not his shoes, not his belt. I think it is mainly a result of the varied incarnations a watch can take on based on material, size, and brand. He could have a wristwatch, a chrono, a digital, a calculator. He could have quartz. He could have automatic movement. And no matter how wild or crazy a tie can be, it has a finite number of executions: a straight, a clip-on, a bow, or a bolo. And a belt is more functional than stylistic. No matter how big the buckle, it still has holes in it and it still weaves through belt loops. Yup, the watch is the accessory that offers a portal into the very character of the man.

That is what I used to think. But with over 3 million sold and over 50% market share, the iPod might need a closer look. I argue that the iPod tells a lot more about the man than a watch ever could. The market appeal of the iPod spans generations, geographical locations, gender, and ethnic group. The bottom line (in a generic, under-educated, english as a second language translation): You dig music? You like to hear music? You need iPod. And although in turn, I can, at any given crowded street find a man, woman, and child with those white earbuds in their ears, I am going to concentrate on the mystery of the man�The man and his iPod.

The way a man wears his earbuds. The way he carries it in his pocket. The way he navigates the scroll wheel. These are the nuances that separate the punks from the stiffs. The dorks from the losers. The mere mortals from the god.

Even though prior to the release of the iPod mini, iPods only came in one color and one relative size, the subtle varieties within models and how they are used are as varied as the once-defining watch. But boy are they stylish. It’s no secret that they have become the “it” accessory these days. And although making gross generalizations sometimes gets me into trouble, this is my column so I am going to say whatever I want. I will define the different types of iPod-using men using men I see on the train every day to and from work. Let’s call these guys case-subjects because they don’t know I’m talking about them, and frankly it makes it sound more official and way more scientifically based. Some details have been observed by me throughout the last few months on my train commute (Franklin commuter line in Boston if anyone’s interested)�and I have fabricated some details to fill in the blanks. As you will see, each is a god of a man in their own right.

Case Subject #1: The All-About-The-Music Man
Said subject bought the first generation iPod but only after owning a Rio MP3 player first. He is always craving the best vehicle to hear his beloved jams. When the iPod first came out, he liked it but needed to hear it at the Apple Store first. And once he heard it, he agreed to buy it well before he knew how much it would cost him. Money is no object when it comes to quality tunes, man. He wears his iPod in his jeans pocket. He quickly replaced his Apple earbuds with in-ear earphones from Seinnheiser and has now moved on to those big Bose Noise-Reduction headphones, bobbing his head up and down to the greatest hits of Lynyrd Skynyrd. I saw him miss his stop once as he was kicking out the jams.

But this man marches to the beat of his own drum. He does not let style or convenience dictate the quality of his listening experience.

Case Subject #2: The All-About-Apple Man
Said subject also bought a first generation iPod, but he bought it the day it came out. He spends the train ride working on his Powerbook or reading MacWorld. He continues to use the Apple earbuds because he feels that nothing Apple makes is inferior. He looks like a model for the Apple Store. He has MacWorld visitor passes hanging from his computer bag. He is always trying to make eye contact with me. Probably to give me the iPod Nod of Approval:)

This man is equally godly. He is a true disciple of Jobs and his unwavering allegiance to Apple has bought him a founding father status in iPod Nation.

Case Subject #3: The iPod is the “It Thing” Man
Said subject uses a 3G iPod which he bought after seeing Beyonce using one on MTV. He uses every opportunity to flash his iPod so that other people know he has one. Little does he know that 10 other people on my train car also have one. He doesn’t use an iPod case nor does he put it in his pocket. Rather he holds it in his hand and plays Parachute on it for the entire trip. I am not entirely convinced he even listens to it. Who knows? Who cares?

Apparently his hot girlfriend does. Because she sports an iPod of her own and for this he is also a god.

Case Subject #4: The Gadget Man
Said subject has a 3G iPod and an iPod Mini. Who knows why he needs both. He also has a Blackberry, a Palm, a Bluetooth Phone, and a laptop. This guy could control the space shuttle from his seat right next to me. He bought his first iPod because it was revolutionary. I have seen him use it, but he always has this serious look on his face. I think he just likes having it to have it. When the train pulls into the station, he carefully folds up his earbud cords. His foam earbud covers look very clean. A far cry from the faded partially ripped ones I have.

As a man who knows his high-tech gear, choosing his iPod to join his suite of supergadgets make him the envy of cash-strapped men everywhere.

Case Subject #5: The iPod-As-Gift Man
Said subject is older than most iPod users out there. He must have received the iPod as a gift from his grand kids for his daily commute. He is never using it on the train platform. He always takes his seat, carefully removes it from his briefcase, always looks to see which earbud goes in which ear and then spends at least 5 minutes to start the music. His grandkids probably told him this would help him get through the commute. And no matter if he is listening to the Beastie Boys, an audiobook, or the Gettysburg Address he does his iPod proud.

Little does he know he has joined the iPod Revolution. But he is enjoying his music with the greatest personal music player out there. For this he is also godly.

Men. I salute you.