Vista means having to say you’re sorry

You, astute reader, are no doubt with the familiar "fight or flight" response exhibited in animals under stress. The basic idea seems to be that when faced a threat the animals choice is binary. It can either fight, say a wildebeest wildly kicking a lion or the animal can choose to run, imagine a squid squirting out ink to avoid predation by a great white shark.

While fight or flight is descriptive of animal behavior it fails to account for the effectiveness of the response. Imagine a man strapped with AK 47s, grenades, tazers and 30.06s that is confronted by a tiger. A human can't out run a tiger even if that human happens to be Usain Bolt on his best day, so only the fight option remains. You or I would unleash the full power of lead pellets propelled by expanding gasses. If you're Microsoft your response would be to forget about all the weapons you have at your disposal and duct tape steak knives to your fingers because if deadly claws are good enough for the tiger they are good enough for you. All this might seem a little esoteric right now, what does Microsoft fighting bears have to do with anything? Remember that Microsoft is feeling unloved lately. Vista isn't going over, the Xbox is still losing to the Wii and the Zune is... Well the Zune is the guy who shows up really late to a party already drunk and screams "I squirt! DRM infected stuff! Who wants to hook up?" Not a pleasant time to be Microsoft.

Microsoft's response to the varied perceived failures? They've decided to roll out ads with Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld. Microsoft will probably deny it but it is obvious that the ads are a direct response to Apple's Get a Mac Ads which have managed to capture the imagination of the young and hip or the not so young with a yearning to be hip. The logic is a glorious failure. If you're trying to undo what Apple has wrought rolling out someone on the downside of their career along with a retired guy is not the best tactic. One imagines the ads will look something like this:

In truth, the ads will probably be fantastic, Bill Gates can actually be funny and Jerry Seinfeld is riotous if you ever catch his act live. Still Microsoft is trying to fight Apple with the weapons Apple is choosing. Big mistake. Time for a quick look at what Apple has going for it in the marketing battle:

1. Apple isn't Microsoft

Being "Not Microsoft" is half of Apple's appeal. When you're trying to be cool it doesn't help when you are "The Man."

2. Better hardware across the board

You can by a better machine than Apple makes but if you by a random (or cheap) PC you're likely going to end up with something that sucks.

3. Premium brand name

The perception (sometimes true, sometimes not) is that Apple products cost substantially more. The cost assures customers that they're getting a premium product. Here "Premium" means not Windows.

4. Low customer confusion

You've can't go wrong when you buy a copy of OS X, there's one version. No need to wonder if Home Premium Edition can still run spreadsheets of if Mega Office Version can play .mp3s.

You only have to see a few ads before you note that Apple palys up precisely those advantages using John Hodgeman and Justin Long as corporate mouth puppets.

Can Microsoft become hip with ads? Tossing Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld out there won't make Microsoft suddenly cool, it will make the company seems desperate and cloying. It will turn Microsoft from public irrelevancy to a laughing stock. Here's the thing though: Microsoft isn't irrelevant, Microsoft is immensely powerful and profitable. The company just lags a bit in the public perception game right now.

Microsoft has two options: be happy with the status quo and raking in a billion dollars a month or apologize for Vista. The best tactic is probably to just keep quietly raking in the billions realizing that the company has unleashed pure crap on the world before and recovered. But Microsoft seems to desperately want adulation. To get that good feeling back it is time to apologize for Vista.

Microsoft would argue, rightfully so, that Vista is pretty good and that there is no reason to apologize. You don't see Apple apologizing for the iPhone 2.0x software right? There is some legitamacy to that claim but since Microsoft is so enamored with public opinion whether Vista is terrible is beside the point, people think it is.

But here is Microsoft's chance to shine, start an advertising campaign admitting that Vista had some problems when it rolled out but now everything is fixed. Vista isn't the same in August of 08 as it was in January of 07. Vista is now what it always should have been: the magnificent evolution of XP. Throw consumers a bone and offer some weird guarantee (if you don't love Vista we'll send you a free copy of Ubuntu!!) and the public will respond positively.

An apology won't make Microsoft edgy or hip but it change the perception of the company back into what it once was: a solid, trustworthy and reasonable computing choice, the default choice of people who really didn't want to think about making choices. If Microsoft insists on being seen as cool nothing, not even nose piercings for Balmer, will help. If Microsoft wants to be trusted and respected again an apology will go a long way.